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Grading Myself as Blogger; Wimpy with a Side of Gutless

By on December 19, 2012 in Ruminations

I haven’t quite figured out what this blog is, or more specifically, what type of blogger I want to – or should — be.

Some of you may know this is the third incarnation of my attempt to join the blogosphere.   Most of the meager volume of my earliest posts came from those sites.  For a time, I had two sites going simultaneously for reasons that really don’t matter.  I finally decided to consolidate here for a few reasons:

  • Running multiple blogs sucks
  • I like making new stuff
  • I felt like I was being a coward with the other sites

Regarding that last bullet, when I made Persephone’s Path, I did so knowing that using my PersephoneK pseudonym could lead people who know who I am in real life to learn my thoughts, controversial and mundane.  I had been using the name, or variations of it in various places like Twitter for a while.  A few people who know me follow me there, so I knew it was only a matter of time.  Prior to the presidential election, I made the calculated choice to post a link to my blog about about the proposed Gay Marriage Amendment to my Facebook page.  I felt like I had something important to say on the matter from a specific perspective I hadn’t really seen from others, and it was an important enough issue to me that I decided to take the chance.  Obviously, from then on, all hope for anonymity was lost.

I’m conflicted by having people who know me read these posts.

On the one hand, I would love if it opened more dialogue and discussion with people I already care about in my life, or maybe expanded my small circle of close friends to others who I only consider acquaintances.  But the converse result to sharing is the risk of alienating existing friends.  As much as I hate it, I deeply care about what others think of me.  Sometimes in life I move forward and express my thoughts despite that, leading some to believe I don’t care at all what the perception of me is, but the truth is, I care more than is probably healthy.  It consumes my thoughts daily.  I hate it, but its reality. And I know that fear (it’s really a fear of being rejected or thought of as stupid or ignorant) would lead me to censor my thoughts, and thus not be true to the spirit of this blog.

Persephone’s Path… I chose that name partly for the alliteration of my pseudonym, but mostly because it best expressed what I want this place to be.  I’m constantly tweaking my world view by learning new ideas, and throwing out old ones that don’t fit in with my values, don’t make sense to me any longer, or simply aren’t as good as newer ideas.  I don’t think I’m wishy-washy.  I’ll hold onto a belief that makes sense to me until something better replaces it, but the person I am today will not be who I am next year.  Who I was last year, or ten years ago, or especially twenty years ago, is not who I am now…  But I am most definitely on a lifelong journey informed by reason, science, and logic, and framed and adjusted by the knowledge and perspectives of others I meet along the way. 

For me, and I suspect for many writers, writing is therapy (and sometimes why we need therapy!).  But blogging is about connecting with other humans through written (or graphical) ideas.  Sharing and learning from each other.  If I simply wanted the catharsis of writing, I would merely keep a private journal on my nightstand.  I want to be heard and hear others.  I want dialogue.  But if I’m not expressing fully genuine ideas and emotions, the words are empty fabrications.  I don’t want you to waste your time with me, any more than I want to waste my time playing it safe. 

So far, I give myself a grade of a solid C.  And that is unfortunate.  I want to be able to lay my soul bare here, but I’m not sure if I ever will be able to.  I want to challenge myself and be challenged.  But I also don’t want to float in between two vibrant worlds, not really living in either.  That’s what I’m doing now as a blogger.  I guess it helps very few people actually read these posts, but that could change.  I both welcome possible change, and fear it.  Maybe that’s how it should be.

So, let me end by asking you to share your thoughts.  I want to know, would you risk real world relationships in order to deliver honest content, or would you censor yourself and hold back in certain areas you know will be sensitive points for those you care about? Please share!  Persephone’s Path is nothing without dialogue.

 

Cheers,

PersephoneK

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Killing the Procrastination Bug!

By on January 24, 2012 in Ruminations, Writing & Creativity

[This post was originally published on my old blog site, underworldgoddess.com.  I hope you find it well here.  The published date here reflects the original publication date].

So, one of my New Year’s resolutions was to write or create something every day.  I made it full well knowing I wouldn’t be able to create something every day (stuff at my real job doesn’t count), but I wanted to shoot for it nevertheless.  It didn’t have to be much – a paragraph, a piece of a webpage, a PhotoShop collage.  It didn’t matter what it was, just that I was creating something.

Needless to say, I haven’t lived up to the goal, as you can see from my last post on December 22.

I started this blog because I have a lot to say. I have a SpringPad page full of blog topics as diverse in subject matter as my gap in posting is long.  So what’s the problem?  I’m worried about not really saying what I want to say.  In short, Procrastination.  That’s the crux of my problem.  Sure, laziness is there, too, but if I had to choose one barrier to achieving pretty much all of my goals, but especially creative goals, its procrastination.  They say knowing is half the battle… We’ll see.

Why procrastinate? Simple.  By writing and publishing, it’s out there.  Not just set in stone  More permanent. My ideas, thoughts, ramblings, mistakes will be on the internet pretty much forever. Even stone weathers away eventually, but not the web.  I started my blog because I wanted to share my ideas, and in doing so, I wanted to constantly reshape my own thoughts about a lot of things, ideally through feedback from readers, by mutual enrichment.  This wasn’t about writing the next “Great American Novel.”  This was meant to be more campfire chat.

So, why should I let procrastination impact me at all?   I guess because I still want  everything I write — to sound awesome.  I need to get over that.  I’m going to change my mind.  In fact, I hope I change my mind if it makes sense to do so.  There will be times when I make little sense.  I’m probably never going to sound like Twain or Hemmingway.  I’m not a brilliant thinker; I’m no Einstein, Kierkegaard, Plato, or Socrates.  I don’t have unlimited time to research perfectly before I post.  I may get things wrong and make mistakes (which I hope you’ll call me on), and sound ineloquent.  I may have faulty thinking on a topic, or not think things all the way through.  It’s going to happen (as this post proves).

I’m only human.

But I have things to say, and goals to achieve, and letting procrastination control my life must end. My resolution was to create or write every day, not to be amazing at it.  Not right away.  So, I’m not reading through this one more time (already have twice); I’m just going to post and send this to the ether.  Carpe diem.  It’s only a blog!

Here’s my shot at achieving that resolution, and kicking procrastination’s ass, at least for today.

Cheers,

PersephoneK

 

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