I haven’t quite figured out what this blog is, or more specifically, what type of blogger I want to – or should — be.
Some of you may know this is the third incarnation of my attempt to join the blogosphere. Most of the meager volume of my earliest posts came from those sites. For a time, I had two sites going simultaneously for reasons that really don’t matter. I finally decided to consolidate here for a few reasons:
- Running multiple blogs sucks
- I like making new stuff
- I felt like I was being a coward with the other sites
Regarding that last bullet, when I made Persephone’s Path, I did so knowing that using my PersephoneK pseudonym could lead people who know who I am in real life to learn my thoughts, controversial and mundane. I had been using the name, or variations of it in various places like Twitter for a while. A few people who know me follow me there, so I knew it was only a matter of time. Prior to the presidential election, I made the calculated choice to post a link to my blog about about the proposed Gay Marriage Amendment to my Facebook page. I felt like I had something important to say on the matter from a specific perspective I hadn’t really seen from others, and it was an important enough issue to me that I decided to take the chance. Obviously, from then on, all hope for anonymity was lost.
I’m conflicted by having people who know me read these posts.
On the one hand, I would love if it opened more dialogue and discussion with people I already care about in my life, or maybe expanded my small circle of close friends to others who I only consider acquaintances. But the converse result to sharing is the risk of alienating existing friends. As much as I hate it, I deeply care about what others think of me. Sometimes in life I move forward and express my thoughts despite that, leading some to believe I don’t care at all what the perception of me is, but the truth is, I care more than is probably healthy. It consumes my thoughts daily. I hate it, but its reality. And I know that fear (it’s really a fear of being rejected or thought of as stupid or ignorant) would lead me to censor my thoughts, and thus not be true to the spirit of this blog.
Persephone’s Path… I chose that name partly for the alliteration of my pseudonym, but mostly because it best expressed what I want this place to be. I’m constantly tweaking my world view by learning new ideas, and throwing out old ones that don’t fit in with my values, don’t make sense to me any longer, or simply aren’t as good as newer ideas. I don’t think I’m wishy-washy. I’ll hold onto a belief that makes sense to me until something better replaces it, but the person I am today will not be who I am next year. Who I was last year, or ten years ago, or especially twenty years ago, is not who I am now… But I am most definitely on a lifelong journey informed by reason, science, and logic, and framed and adjusted by the knowledge and perspectives of others I meet along the way.
For me, and I suspect for many writers, writing is therapy (and sometimes why we need therapy!). But blogging is about connecting with other humans through written (or graphical) ideas. Sharing and learning from each other. If I simply wanted the catharsis of writing, I would merely keep a private journal on my nightstand. I want to be heard and hear others. I want dialogue. But if I’m not expressing fully genuine ideas and emotions, the words are empty fabrications. I don’t want you to waste your time with me, any more than I want to waste my time playing it safe.
So far, I give myself a grade of a solid C. And that is unfortunate. I want to be able to lay my soul bare here, but I’m not sure if I ever will be able to. I want to challenge myself and be challenged. But I also don’t want to float in between two vibrant worlds, not really living in either. That’s what I’m doing now as a blogger. I guess it helps very few people actually read these posts, but that could change. I both welcome possible change, and fear it. Maybe that’s how it should be.
So, let me end by asking you to share your thoughts. I want to know, would you risk real world relationships in order to deliver honest content, or would you censor yourself and hold back in certain areas you know will be sensitive points for those you care about? Please share! Persephone’s Path is nothing without dialogue.