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I was born a Gemini.
I find that detail very fitting, which in turn I find ironic, considering I don’t believe one ounce in the zodiac and the supposed personality traits associated with being born under a certain sign. I don’t even really know what the traits of a Gemini are, but what I do know is that Gemini is the constellation depicting twins. I have always felt a little like there are at least two people inside me.
Not in a Sibyl sort of way, but in a perfectly sane, lovely, quirky, and infuriating way.
I think one of the reasons I’ve never really felt like a conservative, or a liberal politically is that I’ve always had both a logical side and a creative side. Not that one side of the political camp has exclusive rights on one way of thinking, but generalities undeniably exist that separate one side from the other. I don’t believe that logic and creativity are necessarily at odds with each other. The greatest scientists and engineers the world has known have had both of these qualities. I am not a great scientific thinker, but I have always found it easy to understand both a cold, reason-based argument, and an emotional, passion-based one, even when they conflict with each other. Note I said understand, not necessarily agree with.
My first name is Mary and I’ve often heard the rhyme “Mary, Mary, quite contrary” directed at me. As you would expect, hearing it makes me chafe and then prove them right when I yell out “No I’m not!” Despite my protestations, I can see the truth in it, and I think I finally understand why. I find it very easy to understand multiple perspectives and points of view. Left, right, conservative, liberal, crazy, boring… To an extent, I think I can easily see from another’s eyes. I don’t necessarily support or internalize all perspectives, and sometimes I’ll defend positions I don’t support, which probably confuses people, and then makes them think I do support a position I don’t support, thus making people think I’m something that I’m not. Or just appear wishy-washy. Or alternatively, close-minded (another time for that discussion, which I find “amusing”).
Sigh… I’m confusing myself a little, so I feel your pain. This blog is best read very quickly.
Ultimately, I think my internal Gemini is the source of madness for me and people who know me, but I also know I wouldn’t have it any other way (that’s the strong-minded, extroverted twin speaking now instead of the wall-flower twin). This seemingly useless ability is what might make me a good fiction writer some day. The twins have allowed us (yeah, I caught that “us” too) to seek knowledge from a wide swath of topics we find fascinating, and given us the desire to debate those topics with others (sometimes they debate these topics with themselves!), and to truly understand other perspectives I alone might not hold. That is essential to developing good characters, and conflict. A good writer allows the characters to tell their stories, rather than inject herself falsely into their minds.
There’s a frustrating down side. Sometimes having this “split personality,” with a healthy love of discussion and debate has made me feel isolated. I’ve never really felt like I think in the same way as most other people I know. Unconventional is the nice way to put it. I’ve always been able to think about things from a different angle. I’m not unique in that way among humans. I doubt I’m even unique among people I do know. But I have never connected with anyone who sees the world quite like I do.
Except for maybe my “twin.”
